Working through my grief, and my counselor, Patrick, says I'm doing well. I feel okay many days, but I still have bouts of loneliness. I come home at night and wish the world that Michael would be here to welcome me home. In those moments I yearn for some human companionship.
It's going on nine months (about 10 days) since he died. I've noticed that most people have really gone on with their lives. I understand that's the reality of life, but I also feel sometimes like I've been left behind, as if life has gone on without me, and I'm stuck going through the motions of work and paying bills but not really feeling like I'm completely alive.
In this amount of time since his death, I've discovered some truths about myself. I have changed since he died, and I'm not the same person I was when we were together. His death has opened my eyes about people and what's really important in my life. I don't mean to sound judgmental, but I see how people act and respond to things that happen in life, and I realize more than ever what kind of energy I need in my life (and what kind of energy I don't).
I also have seen that not all the friends of Michael and mine were really friends. I'm not surprised by this revelation. In fact, I'm actually quite glad to open my eyes and see who have been a constant in my life through the past nine months. I also am so grateful for the few friends (Matt, Chad, Kyle) that I've been able to grow with in this new chapter of my life.
Tonight I'm feeling a bit lonely. I know part of it has to do with being stressed out at work with a big project. I look forward to this weekend for some down time with myself and taking care of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment